(people talking’€¦)

KHOPOTSO: I meet Raphakisa Botha, an uncharacteristically tall and big man for his 26 years of age, at the community hall in Diepkloof, one of Soweto’€™s sprawling townships. In jest, a friend of his earlier told me that he just loves his food. And that’€™s not difficult to see judging by his frame. Like his unique Sesotho name suggests that he is one who is usually fast, Raphakisa energetically leads me up a flight of stairs to a quiet room on the first floor of the vast face-brick building in Zone 1. He’€™s here to attend a training workshop on ‘€˜Men and Gender,’€™ a subject very close to his heart.      

RAPHAKISA BOTHA: Gender has got nothing to do with male or female, but it’€™s a society-defined term of what makes one a male and what makes one a female’€¦ And it differs from culture to culture, from society to society. For an example, in the Xhosa culture they would say that for you to be a man you have to go through initiation. If you haven’€™t went through initiation you are called ‘€˜inkwenkwe’€™. You are defined as a young boy’€¦ But you go to coloureds, they don’€™t go through initiation. You go to whites, they go for military in-service training.

KHOPOTSO: He draws parallels between these masculinity-affirming social norms and HIV infection.

RAPHAKISA BOTHA: Men have the final say in their relationships. Men are the ones who will say ‘€˜I’€™ll use the condom or I’€™ll not use the condom’€™. At the same time, as men we are taught that we have to engage in risk(y) behaviours. You have to be tough. Show your manhood or your masculinity by engaging in multiple sexual behaviours. And that is what makes men vulnerable to be(ing) infected with HIV and, at the same time, to spread the virus.

KHOPOTSO: Raphakisa is a gender-activist working with Men as Partners, a programme aimed at getting men involved in HIV and AIDS, women’€™s and men’€™s own health issues and reducing gender-based violence. A horrendous, personal experience when he was 17 coupled with bad finances propelled him into this field of work.

RAPHAKISA BOTHA: In 1996, September, my aunt together with her two children, got shot by her husband’€¦ I had this little cousin of mine. After she got killed by her father’€¦

I decided by myself that it’€™s time that I do something about what happened to my own aunt and to my two cousins. In their fond memories I became a gender activist. After I finished school I couldn’€™t find employment. I couldn’€™t further my studies. Then, I decided, why not volunteer in programmes of HIV and AIDS as well as programmes that are there to advocate on women’€™s rights and gender-based violence?

KHOPOTSO: For Raphakisa, it’€™s a case of ‘€˜like father like son.’€™ As luck or fate would have it, his dad is Mbuyiselo Botha, a well-known gender activist himself, speaking in the background at a recent men’€™s rally. The son speaks glowingly about his father’€™s influence on him.

RAPHAKISA BOTHA: I don’€™t know where to start if I have to talk about that man’€¦ He has actually demonstrated and role-modelled it in his own life. I’€™ve never seen my father beating my mum. I’€™ve never seen my father beating my two sisters. For me, being a boy growing up in the township here and there you’€™d be naughty. Yes, he’€™d beat me up out of love. I think he only had to beat me twice in my life, actually’€¦ He’€™s a family man. Sometimes I feel that maybe he’€™s not from this planet, you know. For me, he’€™s an ideal father. If I have a choice in the next lifetime, I would still choose him to be my father’€¦ I can walk tall and be proud that I’€™m a violence-free man. I can walk tall and be proud to say that ‘€˜I’€™m a gender activist, I’€™m an HIV/AIDS crusader’€™, you know. And I can feel that nothing has changed in me. I haven’€™t lost my balls. I’€™m still a man.                                

KHOPOTSO: Indeed, he’€™s still a man. And Raphakisa refers to himself as a ‘€˜millennium man’€™.

RAPHAKISA BOTHA: It’€™s a term that I’€™ve picked up from your female radio personalities. They say that it’€™s a man who is gender-sensitive; a man who has embraced gender-equality; a man who says my wife is not my sub-ordinate, but actually my partner; we are equal, me and her. When she washes dishes, I’€™ll wipe dishes’€¦ Millenium men are men that would say to their girl children ‘€˜go and wash the car,’€™ instead of saying ‘€˜go and wash the curtains’€™.

KHOPOTSO: He’€™s still not married. And he plans to have a kid in about seven years from now when he’€™s financially stable. By the sound of it, Raphakisa Botha is the stuff husbands and dads are made of. Turning back to his work as a gender activist, it is a big challenge, and he sometimes wonders if he’€™s making the necessary impact on his fellow men, just like his dad made on him.

RAPHAKISA BOTHA: Some of the things have shown to be beyond our control. I’€™ve actually come to accept that’€¦ We can put the message across, but we cannot stop the man from pulling the trigger… I believe I can personally encourage men to take constructive involvement in the prevention of HIV and AIDS, but I cannot be in his bedroom when he has sex to put the condom on him.            

E-mail Khopotso Bodibe