Melinda Ferguson: ‘€¦Shoot me don’€™t rape me, shoot me don’€™t rape me, shoot me don’€™t rape me ‘€“ the words are a desperate mantra. God’€™s not listening. The gun thuds into my temple ‘€“ pistol whipped. Metal on skull silences me. Blank out. ‘€œI don’€™t like sex, I like rape;’€ he grins. He unzips his trousers; it’€™s all slow motion now. Please wear a condom’€¦

Yolisa: He puts on a condom and continues to rape her. Melinda Ferguson is gang raped in the drug infested Hillbrow. Imploring the rapists to use protection is the least she can do considering the situation. Powerless, motivated by the thought of the next hit ‘€“ Melinda lies there until the rapists are done with her.

Melinda Ferguson: I have a disease called addiction so everything I do is addictive.

Yolisa: This drug addiction has led her to this place ‘€“ Hillbrow. For six years her addictive personality led her to pits. She lost her comfortable life, her husband and her children. Through this self destruction, she was on the verge of loosing herself.  

Melinda Ferguson: I’€™d hit my rock bottom but I still couldn’€™t say ‘€“ ‘€˜Hey Melinda your life is messed, you must go home’€. In fact, I had no home at that point. So, for the first time, I actually felt what it was like to be homeless. I almost went into another zone and it was very much after the rape actually that I really really (I) think then realised that I’€™d almost joined this other world where there were hookers and dealers and I now belonged there.    

Yolisa: Addiction is described as a compulsive and psychological need for habit forming substances. Even though Melinda suffers from this ‘€“ she makes no excuses for what happened in her life.

Melinda Ferguson: When we say it’€™s a disease I don’€™t mean that as an excuse because often people go umm yha ‘€“ well then it means all junkies can go around steal from people and we must feel sorry for them. That’€™s not what we are talking about. They have proved that addiction is a genetic disorder and you usually inherit it. And often children from alcoholic parents have it.

Yolisa: Melinda’€™s mother suffered from alcoholism.

While alcohol is the most abused substance in this country, research shows that more and more people are moving into illegal drugs. The South African Community Epidemiology Network on Drug Abuse (Sacendu) reports that the number of people abusing drugs remains high in this country.  Until she was rescued from Hillbrow’€™s drug world, Melinda was one of these people.

Melinda Ferguson: You know it was when everybody bought out of me. If I can explain that; it was when everybody said F you actually. Because you know what, I caused a lot of trouble for people.

Yolisa: Melinda acknowledges that she’€™s one of the lucky few.

Melinda Ferguson: Most of the girls on the streets are not lucky like I am ‘€“ to have come from a middle class white background where I had an education. I had something to hold on to in a weird way. But a lot of these girls are too young to have had anything before. They don’€™t have families to drive around.  I mean, my brother in the end was the one who drove around looking for me and he found me. I don’€™t think I would have walked out of that place.

Yolisa: The road to her recovery was long and hard. Sometimes shameful.

Melinda Ferguson: You know a lot of my shame came from’€¦because I took drugs when I was pregnant.  I had two children in active addiction. They were small when they were taken from me by my mother-in-law. When I got clean, my little one never even knew who I was. My baby. He didn’€™t know I was his mom.

Yolisa: Writing the book has been therapeutic for Melinda. She says now that she knows she has an addictive personality – she channels all her energy to good use.

Melinda Ferguson: All that energy that I used to score, and to lie and manipulate people ‘€“ I now use to better my life. So it’€™s quite beautiful that I think addicts can harness their disease and make it into something very positive.

Yolisa: Even though it might sound like it, Melinda says none of this was easy.

Melinda Ferguson: Today if one looked at my life, you’€™d think she jumped from here to there, but it wasn’€™t a jump it was a crawl, like a baby, like someone who had crutches who was taking it inch by inch by time.