Bheki from Soweto in Dobsonville is married and has a girlfriend. He says sexual dissatisfaction has driven him to have an extra-marital affair.

‘€œMen don’€™t get satisfied sexually at home. The wife is the dominant partner, that is to say, she tells what she wants, she decides what she wants. When it comes to sex men are forever hungry. There’€™s no reason for us to look for someone else if at home I know I’€™ve got everything. But if my wife cannot satisfy me, definitely, definately out there, there might be someone who is as hungry and greedy as I am’€, he explained.

He says at first he didn’€™t quite understand why expensive cars were always parked outside informal settlements, but now he does.

‘€œYou find a Mercedes Benz C-class Compressor parked next to a mkhukhu (shack), and if you dig and find out as to really why, it’€™s because at home you don’€™t get what you get in the mkhukhu’€, says Bheki.

‘€œYou go to bed naked as a man, the wife will go to bed in a track-suit, meaning that today ‘€˜you don’€™t touch me’€™, he continued.

‘€œSo, how can it then be possible that you can stick to one woman when you know that yes, at home you can get 1, 2, 3 but you cannot get 7 and 8?’€ , Bheki asked.

He does acknowledge, however, that having multiple partners and having unprotected sex is risky, and might lead him to contracting HIV.

‘€œWe do condomise, but it’€™s not always. I can condomise today, tomorrow I may not condomise. Yes I do understand that we are not supposed to because there’€™s this HIV’€, he said.

He lamented that attempts to address his sexual dissatisfaction with his wife have failed.

‘€œCommunication tends to fade away because the wife will sort of talk to you the way she wants and you cannot really try and reprimand her because even the law is behind her. You go to the family, you complain to the in-laws: ‘€˜I’€™m having a problem with my wife, she won’€™t sleep with me’€™. They’€™ll talk to her and she’€™ll talk like: ‘€˜No, I’€™m sorry, but sometimes I get tired’€™. Tired for the whole week? Then you must stop working! Sometimes you even think that, maybe, no, she gets satisfied somewhere else. I’€™m only the person just to while away period when the so-called partner is unavailable’€, he said.


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