When Dakalo Brenda Mukhuba (38) from Mukula, a small village near Thohoyandou in Limpopo lost her older brother in October 2020, her world changed. What followed was not just a series of personal tragedies, but a slow collapse of her emotional and mental well-being.
Just eight months later, her father also passed away. In 2022, she suffered a miscarriage. Her marriage ended shortly after. Then, as she was starting to put the pieces back together, her mother died in February 2024.
“I tried to be strong for my younger siblings,” she says. “But inside, I was in pieces. I had anxiety, panic attacks, and constant fear. I thought I was going to lose everyone I loved.”
The grief consumed her.
“I always pray, and yes, that gives me peace. But I also knew I needed more than prayer. I needed help,” says Mukhuba. She eventually sought professional counselling. “It unpacked things I didn’t even know I was carrying. Therapy helped me breathe again.”
Grief is not a straight road. For some, it leads to anxiety. For others, depression. For many, it can spark substance abuse as a misguided attempt to numb the pain. The mistake people make is thinking they can carry this weight alone.
Facing grief head-on
Pfarelo Mathivha, a clinical social worker, says far too many people try to suppress their grief, and the consequences can be devastating.
“When people act like they’re fine, bury their emotions, or pretend to have moved on too quickly, those suppressed feelings eventually come back and they don’t knock gently,” says Mathivha.
“They show up as depression, anxiety, emotional numbness, or even PTSD.”
She stresses that grieving is not a weakness. It’s not something to be rushed or avoided.
“Grief is a painful but necessary part of healing. You cannot skip it and expect to be okay.”
And here’s the hard truth: prayer alone is not therapy. Faith can provide spiritual strength, but professional intervention gives people the psychological tools to process, understand, and healthily navigate grief.
Mukhuba says the turning point for her came when she realised that trying to be strong on the outside while falling apart on the inside was doing more harm than good.
“I thought I had to be the rock for everyone else. But I couldn’t even breathe,” she says.
Once she started speaking to a counsellor, she felt lighter. “I didn’t just cry, I understood why I was breaking down. I understood my triggers. I learned how to manage my panic. It saved me.”
Seek professional help
Mukhuba encourages anyone who’s grieving not to delay getting help.
“The people you lost would want you to live, not just survive. Grief does not shrink with time; it only reshapes. And without help, it can grow into something darker.”
Mathivha urges anyone going through loss to take the first brave step. “You don’t have to carry the pain alone. You don’t get a medal for pretending you’re okay. Talk to a professional. Visit your nearest clinic, hospital, or social worker. Even one session can change your entire journey.”
Her message is clear: “Grieving is not about forgetting. It’s about honouring your loved ones by choosing to heal.”
If you’re struggling to cope with the loss of a loved one, contact your nearest mental health professional, hospital, or clinic. There is help and healing on the other side of grief. – Health-e News
