J, as he would like to be known, has been married for 20 years and has two children. He says for many years he has not enjoyed sexual satisfaction in his marriage. The problem started immediately after marriage, he says.

‘€œThat problem started after three months we got married. We talked. We couldn’€™t resolve it. We called the parents. I remember one time when we were sitting when they asked what the problem was. She just jumped and closed my mouth. Eventually, my mother and her mother called her to the bedroom and talked to her. The situation was alright for plus or minus two months….. she went back to her old tricks’€, he said.

J says he has tried everything to fix his marriage, but to no avail.    

‘€œYou’€™ve talked to the person. You have involved the family and you have gone to the right structures trying to overcome the problem. She doesn’€™t want to. So, what should one do? We referred to FAMSA. And’€¦ you know what?  There’€™s one thing… you cannot change the leopard’€™s colours. If the leopard is black and white, it’€™s black and white. You cannot change the leopard’€™s colours’€, said J about his wife.

J has now taken to seeking sexual satisfaction outside of his marriage. He proudly admits to having ‘€œmore than one partner and to practicing unprotected sex every now and then’€.

‘€œI’€™ve got a girlfriend that I’€™m 19 years with. That woman has been taking care of me. I can’€™t just ditch her.

‘€œI don’€™t want to lie to you I’€™ve got more than one partner. There are some that I condomise (with), some I don’€™t. I’€™ve got nothing to lose. I know there’€™s lot of preaching that AIDS kills, what have I got to lose’€ he asked arrogantly.

But on the other hand, he claims that he loves his wife.                                                                                                                                                                

‘€œI’€™m married to her because I love her’€, he added.